RETIRED, NOT EXPIRED

Retirement isn’t the end of the road, in my humble opinion. It’s the on-ramp to a slower, comfortable drive on a scenic highway. I imagined I’d wake up every morning full of purpose, grace, and gratitude. Instead, I often wake up wondering: “Is it Tuesday or Saturday?” And more importantly: “Does it matter?”

My day starts out slowly. Very slowly. First, coffee. My SIL usually has a mug of cold brew waiting for me (filtered after brewing) as well as a mini smoothie. (I am really spoiled living here). I check my calendar to see if there are any “must do” items.

Then online reading begins. Email, NYT, local paper, left aligned weekly local paper, WSJ and then Facebook.  I’m not complaining. After decades of schedules, deadlines, and early mornings fueled by too strong hot coffee and obligation, retirement feels like slipping into a soft robe that’s just a little too big and occasionally trips you on the stairs. Comfortable, but slightly hazardous.

There’s a myth that retirement is a finish line. That once you “stop working,” you start… what? Golfing? Napping professionally? Living your best life while smiling at fruit in commercials? Be real. Retirement is fun. Wonderful—

The Pros:
You can wear comfy stretchy pants every day and no one can say a thing.

Your calendar is so free it makes your 30-year-old self weep with envy.

Every day is a weekend (except, ironically, actual weekends, when everyone else is out and the lines are longer).

You can say no without guilt.

Say yes to weird hobbies (I am now learning to paint rocks … for my daughters fairy gardens … which are selling like hotcakes).

Redefine productivity on your own terms.

The Cons:
You sometimes talk back to Siri because she’s your most reliable coworker.

You start Googling things like “Is knee clicking normal?” and “How to organize Apple Photos.” Yes, I started  organizing for fun!

You forget the names of people you’ve just met but somehow remember best friends from elementary school.

Worst of all, you get judged by your streaming habits. When you watch five episodes of a TV drama in one evening, it feels relaxing  — but tell someone else that, and suddenly you're deemed mindless.

So, no — I’m not expired. I’m just delightfully unbothered. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go put on my "outside lazy wardrobe" for walking out to get my mail.