The Tyranny of Tiny Procedures

I had one of those small revelations this week while volunteering at WLLO. Not the kind that makes you a better person. Just the kind that makes you stare at your computer screen and think, “Well… that’s fascinating.”  NOT.

Some people love procedures.

Not the big ones that explain how the whole operation actually works. No, those are apparently far too ambitious. I’m talking about the tiny procedures.

Procedures for how to format a recap email.

Procedures for when to send the recap email.
Procedures for how to label the recap email.
Possibly soon, procedures for the proper emotional tone of the recap email.

Meanwhile, the actual core responsibility of the job — the main thing we’re all supposed to be doing — hasn’t been written down since 2020.

That would be me.

Five years ago I updated the document explaining how the whole system works. Step by step with screen shots. Since then it has apparently entered the category of Ancient Historical Artifacts.

But the tiny things?  Oh, the tiny things are thriving.

There is something comforting about tiny procedures. They create the pleasant illusion that we are controlling chaos. If the bullet points are neat and the formatting consistent, surely the universe itself will fall into line.

I understand the impulse. Truly I do.

But sometimes it feels like we have procedures for the commas but not the sentence.  Give people a big messy responsibility and they will instinctively organize the parts that are easiest to control.

The spreadsheet columns.
The email headings.
The folder names.

Meanwhile the real work continues to rely on the oldest system known to mankind:

The workers remember how it works.  The new Team Lead?  Not so much.  Which brings me to the quiet truth about volunteering.

The people who keep things running are rarely the ones writing procedures about them. They’re too busy actually doing the work.

Answering the emails.
Returning the phone calls.
Solving the problems.
Entering service requests. Sending them to volunteers.
Finishing the tasks someone forgot yesterday.  (Even after I sent her an email because she sent another request three times and a more pressing one not at all)

They just get on with it.  And maybe that’s how most organizations survive.  Because at the end of the day, things don’t run on perfectly formatted procedures.  They run on people who show up, figure it out, and keep going.

Even if the recap email doesn’t follow subsection 4B of the Procedure for Tiny Procedures.

CHRONICLES OF THE CLOCK

The concept dates back to Benjamin Franklin in 1784, who jokingly suggested that Parisians could save money on candles if they simply woke up earlier. (Classic Ben. Inventor, diplomat, and apparently the world’s first morning person.)

The concept of Daylight Saving Time as we know it today was first proposed by George Vernon Hudson, a postal worker, and entomologist from New Zealand. Hudson is credited with proposing modern-day daylight saving time. His shift-work job gave him leisure time to collect insects, and led him to value after-hours daylight.  In 1895, he presented a paper to the Wellington Philosophical Society proposing a two-hour daylight-saving shift, and after considerable interest was expressed in Christchurch, he followed up in an 1898 paper and the Summer-Time Act was passed in 1927.

But clocks didn’t actually change for us until World War I, when Germany adopted daylight saving time in 1916 to conserve coal during the war. The United States followed in 1918.

So the entire country now changes its clocks twice a year because of coal shortages during a war that ended over a century ago.  

And there are some drawbacks.  The spring transition causes sleep deprivation, resulting in a roughly 10% increase in heart attacks, more strokes, and a 5.7% rise in workplace injuries.  Studies estimate that "cyber-loafing" and fatigue in the days following the time change result in over $400 million in lost productivity annually.

A study published last year by researchers from several business schools found that investors and capital market participants are slower to respond to accounting reports in the week after we "spring forward" – which falls smack in the middle of earnings season.

Another weird fact?  In the early 80's Indiana had some counties on DST and some counties not.  My Mother-in-Law lived there.  When making appointments or social engagement you had to confirm the time in that location!

(she lived in the southeast corner)

Here’s the part that surprised me: farmers hate it.

Cows do not care what Congress says the time is. They are extremely committed to their own schedule and will not be rushed. So when clocks changed, farmers were suddenly trying to milk cows an hour earlier while the cows were still standing there like, “Nice try.”

Only Arizona and Hawaii have the good sense to keep their clocks the same year round.  As well as several U.S. territories:

American Samoa
Guam
Northern Mariana Islands
Puerto Rico
U.S. Virgin Islands

The sun has managed its own schedule for several billion years. Leave Mother Nature alone!

TABS OPEN IN MY BRAIN

If my brain were a browser, I currently have 47 tabs open.

And somewhere, faintly, music is playing… and I cannot find it.  This week’s cognitive cardio event was switching from Chrome to Safari.  Why you ask?  Because of yet another fraudulent charge on my VISA.  Nothing like a mysterious $60.63 from “Global Something Something LLC” to make a woman reconsider her entire digital existence.

So naturally, I decided the solution was … a complete browser migration.  At my age.  With new bookmarks and new passwords.  Max convinced me using Safari would add a second layer of security for online purchases. I'm also adding 2 factor authentication to all of my credit cards.  (I already have each card send me an email for charges over $1).

Tab #1: Fraud Panic

How did they get my number?  Was it Amazon?  Was it Chrome? Was it that one time I ordered compression socks at 2 a.m.?  I use secure sites. I check for the little “s” in https. I am not new.

And yet.  Apparently somewhere in the great invisible cloud of capitalism, my digits are partying without me.

Tab #2: Safari vs. Chrome — Cage Match

Switching browsers sounds simple.  It is not simple.  It is:

• Why does this page look so different and not user friendly?
• Where are my bookmarks?
• Why is nothing autofilling?
• Who am I?

Yes, I have 1Password.
Yes, I am somewhat competent.
Yes, I still muttered things that would make a sailor blush.

Tab #3: Identity Crisis

Chrome knew me.  Safari is politely pretending to.  Chrome remembered my shopping habits.

Safari is asking, “And who are you exactly?”  Honestly, some days I’d like to ask myself the same question.

Tab #4: Decision Fatigue

Meanwhile, actual life continues:

• WLLO minutes and daily FB posts
• HOPE posts that no one wants to jazz up
• Seablush bookkeeping and website building
• Toe healing
• Grandkid logistics
• Amazon card drama

Every one of these is a mental tab open.  I’m tired and my brain hurts.

Tab #5: Neuroplasticity (Whether I Like It or Not)

They say learning new things keeps your brain young.  If that’s true, I should look 42 by now.

Switching browsers at this stage of life feels like rearranging your kitchen in the dark.  You can do it.  But you will hit your shin and stub your bruised big toe.

Tab #6: The Dream

Delete Chrome.  Close the tab.  Walk into the sunset with Safari like we’re in a Nancy Meyers movie about digital maturity.   Will it solve fraud? Probably not.  Will it make me feel like I’ve taken back control?  Absolutely.  And at my age, sometimes control is simply choosing which browser gets to exhaust you.

If you hear music playing and can’t find the tab…

It might be your brain.

Or it might be growth.

Either way, I’m logging off for today.

Ta-ta for now.

Ode to My Big Toe

There was a time in my life when my big toes had one job: look cute in sandals. They both performed admirably.

Now, at 74, my big toe requires medical supervision, genetic analysis, careful trimming protocols, and a nightly petroleum jelly routine. I did not see this coming.

Apparently, I inherited my mother’s inward curving big toenails.  She passed along many wonderful things: resilience, practicality, a sturdy constitution, a love of cooking. And also, it seems, ambitious nail curvature.

Some kids inherit fine china. I inherited a C-shaped toe strategy.  This week, my podiatrist trimmed just a bit too enthusiastically and nicked the side. One tiny spot of blood. Nothing dramatic. But when you are a Type 2 gal, even a tiny toe injury becomes a committee meeting.

I tried not panic.
I tried to just assess.

An acquaintance with Type 2 got a cut on his foot that refused to heel.  So I am a very Nervous Nelly.  (After six months of doctor appointments and various antibiotics, he had to have his foot amputated).

Max suggested I clean and pat dry and apply petroleum jelly.  Twice a day.  Let nature do its thing first.  If anything changes, I'll be contacting the podiatrist.

You know ~ there is a humility that comes with aging body maintenance. Reading glasses on every surface. Hearing aids I adore. Slip-on shoes that prioritize stability over seduction. A podiatrist on speed dial. These are not signs of decline; they are evidence of attention.

At 30, I bought heels.
At 74, I buy sturdy slip on shoes.

So here I am, petroleum jelly at the ready, grateful for modern podiatry (most of the time), wide-toed shoes, and a body that, with a little supervision, still carries me exactly where I want to go.  Youth is about enhancement. Aging is about maintenance.

I need to remind him that I prefer nails trimmed straight across.  

Concessions in Aging

Somehow, I crossed an invisible line.

Not all at once. Oh no. Aging is sneaky. It comes in small, reasonable, perfectly logical concessions. One at a time. Each one totally justified.

And suddenly you look around and realize you’ve built an entire lifestyle out of them.  Let’s review ...

Reading Glasses

I used to think people who wore reading glasses on a chain were… well… committed to the “look”.

Now I own three pairs, although not on chains (yet)

One in the kitchen

One in my purse

One in the car

One on my head at all times

Comfy Clothes

Once upon a time, I had “outfits.”  Business suits, night on the town ensembles, meeting friends for Happy Hour.

Now I have:

Soft pants
Softer pants
And “fancy” soft pants

If an item of clothing has a zipper, it had better be attached to a coat.

Bathroom Accessories

At some point, the phrase “toilet arms” entered my vocabulary.  Grab bars are great but let me tell you, toilet safety supports are magnificent.  Like a personal trainer… for standing up.

A Podiatrist

There was a time when I could:

See my feet

Reach my feet

Deal with my feet

Now I have a professional on retainer.  And because I have Diabetes, it’s half the cost I used to pay for a pedicure.  He trims. He files. He burrs the callouses.  He chats.  Every six weeks it’s practically a spa day, minus the cucumber water.  He even does a lotion foot rub!

Prescriptions and OTC Royalty

I have prescriptions. Eight or nine actually.  (So my semi annual blood work results are always spot on).

But then there is my over-the-counter empire.

If there is a symptom, I have a remedy:

Dry eyes? Got drops.

Red eyes?  Got drops.

Allergies?  Zyrtec to the ready.

Dry mouth? Got Biotene lozenges and holistic drops to add to my water (from my fabulous dentist)

Mystery ache? I have aspirin, Aleve, Tylenol and Motrin.

Bandaids of all sizes, blister gel pads, medical wrap  … even an eye wash cup and a patch.

My medicine container is more like a small pharmacy.

Slip-On Shoes

I used to tie laces.  I used to wear heals.  I loved all kinds of shoes (not like Emelda)  Now I glide.

Enter my stylish slip-on Kiziks.
No bending. No tugging. No muttering.

Just step in and go. Like a grown-up version of toddler shoes, but cuter and more expensive.  And no velcro.

The Nighttime Uniform

Nightgown.
Slippers (since the Lego days). (I even have indoor only Kiziks these days)
Magic fingers in my bed.

I have an adjustable bed and three levels of vibration.  I often use this to get back to sleep after that 3am visit to the ladies room.

My New Philosophy

Here’s the thing about all these “concessions” ...  Every single one makes life easier.

• I can read menus.
• I can safely take a shower
• I can hear conversations.
• I don’t have to wrestle with shoes.
• I don’t dread standing up from the toilet.

These aren’t defeats.  They’re upgrades.

You reach a certain age and realize:  Comfort beats vanity.  Convenience beats stubbornness. And dignity sometimes comes in a discreet, well-designed package.

If that means I am the Queen of OTC remedies, wearing slip-on shoes, bladder protection, sipping water with dental drops in it…

So be it.

Long live the Queen.

HELP ME!

Now that my hair is long enough (again) to tie it back, I'm wondering if I should go short again.  I didn't like having short hair when my face was fat ... but in the past two years I've lost a bit blubber.

What do you think?  Short or medium?  Curly or straight?  Tied up or back?

 

Where it all began

1999

2000

           2010

2020

2022

   March 2024 (hairband keeping it out of my face)

December 2024 (salon cut and styled)

Current